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honestly...

Hannah Nalley

Well, here we are. Day two of a commitment I'm already starting to regret. It's one thing to write when one is in the mood. It's another to do so when one is not. But I guess that's the whole point of this exercise.


Another obstacle I face in this pursuit is how much I want to share with any random member of the public. I have already decided that I will maintain some level of ambiguity for the sake of my own privacy and that of my loved ones. I can't use names or specifics when recounting certain instances. But that's a simple fix. The real question is, how much of my own inner turmoil do I want to expose? How honest do I want to be?


My guess is that I'll overshare, as I often do. But I suppose that's not such a bad thing. This would be a pretty boring blog if I only talked about my to-do list and what I had for lunch (tacos). Besides, this is probably a better outlet that spilling my guts to the cashier at Erewhon. I mean, if you're reading this, you chose to be here. That's on you.


I'm probably–– no, I'm definitely procrastinating going to the gym as I write this because that tends to be the part of the my day that is the most dreadful. But alas, I have a performance coming up in less than two weeks, and I'd rather not hate myself in every outfit I try on beforehand.


I know, I know. The current zeitgeist would say that I should "heal" and accept my body regardless of its size, but it's not like we can just erase a lifetime of misogynistic programming in a couple of years. It is what it is.


Whether the result of societal messaging or primative instincts, I feel most confident when I'm fit–– lean muscle mass, good mobility and stamina. It makes for better dancing, too. It's just, ugh, actual weightlifting and walking on a treadmill bores me to tears! It used to be much easier because I made a habit of smoking a big fat J before every workout, but I'm trying not to do that so much anymore.


And see, these are the things that I'm hesitant to share: vanity woes that re-enforce the idea that I am only a vapid, pretty airhead undeserving of real respect, and my ongoing internal debate regarding substance usage. I mean, what if I do get famous and some kid stumbles across this blog? Do I really want them looking up to me and my character flaws?


I'm good at that. Thinking too far into the future and acting in accordance with problems that don't even exist yet. It's just another mechanism I use to keep from fully expressing myself–– my own judgement preemptively projected onto others. I mean, the truth of the matter is, kids who have access to the internet will find a whole lot worse than me. At least I'm keeping it real.


I feel my anxiety rising because I'm running out of time to burn calories, which I must do before rehearsal. My band has a new bass player and I want to make a good first impression. I've been prepping to hit some seriously insane notes on what I think is our best song yet.


There are a million other things on my mind but I can't share them now. Even if I had the time, I don't think it would be appropriate. This is only our second letter, after all. You'll have to come back for more ;)


Ttyt,

Hannah

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Representation

Management

Genetic Artist Management

geneticmodelsmanagement.com

317-735-5173

Booking

Chad Milam

310-703-0320

Label

Hannah Nalley Holdings

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