Today was rather uneventful. I spent most of it at the office doing promo, which was really just texting people and staring blankly at my to-do list because I honestly don't know where to start with a lot of this stuff. I’m so over texting people individually to come to the shows, but that’s just part of the gig at this stage. Still, I would like to play around with other ways of promoting and I think I have some ideas, I'm just not sure how to implement them.
I have a friend who works at one of the tour bus companies, you know, the ones who parade around historic spots in Hollywood and drive by famous people’s houses while cracking jokes to their passengers over megaphones. Anyone who lives in LA knows those things are everywhere. I figure, if tourists in town are looking for something to do, they might fancy going to a rock show at the iconic Viper Room on Sunset Boulevard. I’m thinking I can ask my friend to hand out flyers while he's giving tours throughout the week and incentivize him with a little kickback from ticket sales.
This is the best business partnership lead we have at the moment because we can’t exactly ask neighboring (and therefore competing) restaurants and bars to promote our show. Why would they? Now, perhaps the local hotel concierges might. That’s if we can convince them. I’m wondering if a hundred dollar bill would do it or if that’s gauche. Maybe it’s better to put on my best sparkly outfit and try to sweet talk ‘em. I’m leaning towards the latter option.
In any case, I’m going to be running my ass off pinning and passing out flyers all over town, which means I have to get a shit ton of them printed tomorrow. It’s going to be a long week, but I will do my best to stay grounded and organized. I don’t know why I get so energized at night, ready to take over the world, but I wish I felt that way during the day. Maybe it’s because I write these blogs at night. Maybe I would be better off writing them in the morning to create some momentum? Hmm…
One thing I know for sure is that this sobriety thing is feeling amaaaaazzzzzzzzzing. Like, holy shit. I think it’s easier for me this time around because I’ve done month-long stents before and I know what to expect. Maybe the reason I feel so good about it now is because I’m not trying to “prove” to myself or anyone else that I can be sober; I’m truly just doing it because I want to focus on my goals. It’s incredible to see how much more mental space I have, and honestly, I’m starting to realize that maybe my use of substances was dulling my passion more than I thought.
I get these stents of what feels like anger or random, explosive bursts of energy that I don’t know what to do with. I feel it buzzing in my body, looking for some sort of release, and then I come to the conclusion that oh, I can channel this into writing, or maybe I should, oh, I don’t know, move my body?? What a wild thought.
On that note, going to the gym is getting easier. Today was day three of walking on an inclined treadmill. I’m telling myself that I deserve at least 30 minutes in the gym each day, even if it’s just to stretch. I deserve to be completely present in my body and feel the gift of physical sensations. I know that my confidence is going to grow immensely from this practice and I’m excited! Admittedly, I’ve gotten out of shape over the last year and while I don’t necessarily subscribe to being rail-thin, especially at the detriment of my health, I… prefer to feel confident in how I look, and exercising daily helps me achieve that delicious confidence which makes me feel unstoppable.
Anyway, back to the sobriety front: I find it so interesting how taking a break from weed and alcohol is such a colossal feat that takes considerable effort and merits explaining. I think back to my childhood, when I was arguably the happiest, and I was seldom intoxicated, save maybe once a month or so when my friends threw bonfires amidst their parents' being out of town and convinced their older siblings to buy us fifths of Jack Daniels and Malibu Rum.
I felt so much more confident in my abilities and intellect back then, and part of that is undoubtedly because I was young and felt I had the whole world ahead of me, but I often marvel at the fact that substances weren’t a primary fixation in my life at that time. It’s such a slippery thing, the way these norms sneak up on you in adulthood: You go to college, where everyone drinks their brains out, and you’re indoctrinated into this party culture of getting totally obliterated because you’re a kid and that's what you’re “supposed” to do.
Then you’re in your early twenties, living in a new city, going out with friends after work, figuring out how to balance your social life and pay rent. so it’s still fun and cutesy to get blackout drunk on a Tuesday. If you tell your friends that you threw up in a bathtub at 7AM, they’ll send hilarious memes in the group chat because that's normal for a 22-year-old. Even your parents will tell you that you’re not supposed to have it all figured out.
But things get tricky after 25, because life, for better or for worse, starts to feel a little more serious, and responsibilities begin to stack up. We aren’t our carefree selves anymore sleeping in our makeup and spending hours IG-stalking our crushes (hopefully). We are on top of our shit, paying our bills, splurging on quality wardrobe staples, and handling conflicts like mature grown-ups. The problem is, our relationship with alcohol often lingers in a liminal no-man’s land, and it can be confusing to know what a “healthy” amount of drinking looks like.
Anyway, I could rant on and on about the role social influences play in the pressure to drink and dissect how we glamorize the characters sipping dirty martinis in the sexy scenes of our favorite TV dramas, but I'm starting to sound like a nerd. The bottom line is, at least for me, is that it’s a habitual practice more than anything, and to that point, I am extremely grateful for the existence of mocktails, functional beverages, and the overall wave of sober culture that is sweeping through this generation and especially through LA.
I don’t know that I’ll ever quit cold turkey; Chad and I did decide that we will allow ourselves one “get out of jail free” card each month for the rest of the year, and it will be interesting to see what we learn from those experiences should we choose to indulge in them. After the new year, we will reassess our boundaries around substances, which I’m sure will be from a completely different perspective than the one I have now. Overall, I’m loving the progress I’m making on this journey. I’m loving the idea that I can fill my mind with information and conquests that are deliciously empowering to my spirit
So, yeah… a lot of changes are happening right now and I truly feel like I’m on the come up… I’m so excited to be sharing it with all of you, whoever may be reading.
Ttyt,
Hannah